How I broke my toxic creative writing cycle

For years, I thought I lacked discipline. Every time I started making progress with my writing, I'd eventually lose momentum, fall into motherhood chaos, let financial worries take over, criticize myself for falling behind, and convince myself I wasn't cut out to be a writer.

What I didn't realize was that I wasn't failing—I was repeating the same toxic creative cycle as a mom writer over and over again.

Breaking that cycle didn't happen overnight. It took self-awareness, honesty, and a willingness to stop forcing myself into someone else's version of productivity. Here's what helped me break my toxic creative-writing cycle and start creating in a way that actually worked for me.

Admit you are in a cycle

Acknowledging the cycle brought me to a place where I was tired of hiding the struggle. I've seen many mothers openly share their experiences, but I couldn't quite relate. My journey is different. Very different.

I don't have a traditional job, family, dreams, or life in many ways. While some of my struggles are ones that all mothers face, many are not. It was time to acknowledge my experience for what it was, rather than trying to find myself in others' struggles.

Find REAL support

Finding support in a creative journey is essential. You have to have support, and it has to help, not hinder. Support should not cause you MORE stress.

With my spouse

I was in a different relationship when I started my creative process. It was not, in many ways, what I needed for either of us. It hurt my journey and confidence in a lot of ways, some intentional and others not. It happens.

I have an amazing new partner who is just as ambitious and understands my desire to pursue these creative dreams. But I never really was honest about my creative struggles. Once I was, he was even more supportive, and I blossomed quickly.

With my kids

I have four kids who think having a mom who is a writer is so cool, so I play into that as motivation to keep going. But thinking it's cool is not the same as supporting your mom's writing career. They interrupt a lot... a lot... all the time. However, they are kids, and I'm their mother. So what can we do?

Instead of getting upset or quitting, I started teaching. I started teaching them what writers and creatives need to be successful, to create things and complete projects. I'm teaching them how to value alone time, how to ask for creative space, how to recharge, and how to be creative in small intervals, because I cannot just lock myself away from them for a day.

It's taking time, but it's working. My kiddos have even started asking for their own alone time to create.

Outside the home

I never had writing friends—I always wanted them. Now that I was more confident in my creativity, I started to realize I NEEDED more creative people in my life. Creatives that understood my brain as a writer, but more specifically, my brain as a mother who writes, which is very different.

I started reaching out on Facebook, found a writing community called Moms Who Write, and have been an active participant for six years. This group became my ride-or-die tribe. We're all about embracing the chaos of modern motherhood while chasing our creative dreams. We set goals together, hold each other accountable, celebrate our wins, and share the realities of raising kids alongside our writing lives.

I realized how important it is to have people in your corner who truly understand the season of life you're in. That kind of support means everything.

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Creative accountability

Creative accountability became a must; I started to do something creative every day. Reading, free writing, poetry, brainstorming, painting—anything. The more creative freedom I allowed myself, the more willing I was to continue being creative and work on my projects.

I tried putting creative time in my planner, but as a woman who also has ADHD, that didn't work for me. So instead, I decided to prioritize my creativity as soon as I woke up. My routine became brew coffee, be creative, and see where it takes me. Making creativity the first thing I did every day encouraged me to stay creative and prioritize projects.

Creative books have also been a game-changer for me to keep my creative mood flowing. I finished The Artist's Way (TAW) by Julia Cameron last year for the first time after trying it twice—it changed everything. This journey was the final push I needed to complete my debut poetry book, Shadow Confessions: Raw Version, the project I had been putting together for years. It kept me motivated, creative, accepting of my creative dreams, and determined to complete it.

Here are a few others I have loved:

• Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

• Magic Maker by Pam Grossman

I will be doing TAW again soon and documenting this journey more.

Finish things

The most important piece of advice I read in TAW that totally changed my mindset for the better was to finish things. Stop holding on to projects until they are perfect. Finish them. Move on. Start something new.

I worked on Shadow Confessions for six years. I needed time to find my voice, and fight through trauma and chaos, and get separated, and have more babies and move a ton and lots of other things. But at some point, I simply did not think it was ready. After finishing TAW, I was convinced that it needed to be done.

It had to be done. And go away.

Embrace your creative title

This one, while simple, is actually the most powerful. If you are not embracing your own title as a creative, you will never really step into it.

Are you a writer? Call yourself one. Are you a poet? Tell people you are. Do you have dreams of being a painter? Tell people you do.

The more you talk about it, the more you put it out into the universe, the more you give yourself permission to be called a creative, the more you will feel it. The more you feel it, the more you shape your life around it. It works, I'm telling you.

Time to break the cycle

Breaking my creative writing cycle didn't come from becoming more productive. It came from accepting the life I have instead of chasing the one I thought I should.

If you're feeling stuck, remember that there isn't one right way to be creative. Build a writing life that works for your season, embrace the chaos, and trust that your story is worth telling—exactly as it is.

Until next time, dreamers,

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