5 Things I Remind Myself of During PMDD Cycles

PMDD cycles can feel all-encompassing. Before I started going into remission (I'm still on this journey), my symptoms felt like living under a shadow—an impossibly dense cloud that refused to lift until my period finally saved me.

Back then, I wasn't myself during PMDD. Not even a little bit.

Every month, it felt like I was descending into the Underworld, an abyss I had to survive long enough to find my way back to reality. The only person who could rescue me was myself—a subpar heroine. A broken, defeated, exhausted, numb, self-loathing mess of a woman.

It wasn't good. Not even a little bit.

When PMDD Takes Over My Brain

PMDD comes with a host of physical symptoms, all of which are hard enough to deal with. But the worst was what happened to my mind.

A week or two before my period, negative, self-deprecating thoughts run wild, extinguishing the spark of any positive thought that dares to arise. My mind turns against me, becoming more crippling than anything happening to my body. The past comes back to haunt me, hopelessness takes over, depression sets in, and everything feels impossible.

It's a terrible place to be when you don't know what's happening—when you're undiagnosed or unsupported.

Over the years, I've found natural ways to reduce my PMDD symptoms that have made a significant difference. But even now, difficult cycles still happen, especially when I forget to care for myself or routines slip through the cracks.

I've learned that the real challenge isn't just remembering what helps reduce my PMDD symptoms—it's remembering who I am when the darkness returns. When that happens, these are the reminders I come back to.

5 Things I Like to Remind Myself During a PMDD Cycle

These feelings are real, but they're not permanent.

Emotions fluctuate; we know this. But sometimes in the middle of a PMDD shadow, you can't remember ever feeling anything but doom and gloom.

Know that your emotions during PMDD are real and deserve grace. They don't, however, deserve a permanent place in your mindset, which can sometimes happen after bad cycles.

Leave reminders for yourself: on the mirror, in the car, in your journal, on your phone. Remind yourself that these emotions are coming from a ride you haven't quite figured out how to control.

Don't make them your whole personality—they are just a blip. Be empathetic, but remind these shadows that they are visitors only.

I don't have to figure out my life today

Challenges and obstacles always seem bigger when PMDD comes to visit. The actual BIG problems, the serious ones that affect our lives, seem impossible to master.

Sometimes it's questions about your life's purpose, whether you should stay with your partner, have kids, or stay in your home. Trying to make major life decisions during PMDD can send your mind into a spiral.

So don't.

Unless there is a clear timestamp on solving an issue, leave the big problems for another day, when your brain is better able to handle it. The small problems, don't even address them, possibly forever! If there is one thing having PMDD has taught me, it is to pick my battles and to stop letting little problems take over my world.

Rest is productive...really

Current research has found that PMDD is a reaction to your brain's ability to adapt to changing levels of hormones prior to menstruation. It affects your brain and nervous system, endocrine system, digestive system, cardiovascular system, and breasts and reproductive system.

Sounds like a lot, right? Yeah...it's pretty much everything.

If you had a virus spreading through your body and affecting almost every system, would you expect your body to keep up with everyday life? No. In fact, most people would tell you to go home and not come back. What makes PMDD any different?

Your body needs to rest and heal during PMDD cycles, especially the serious ones. (If you know, you know). It's fighting itself internally in ways we can't see, and don't yet understand.

Resting gives you time for self-care practices that can ease your symptoms and help you avoid situations where you might make decisions out of psychological desperation instead of reason.

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Every version of me still deserves kindness

This one is hard. I used to hate myself during PMDD cycles. I hated how I felt and how I couldn't manage normal things. I hated the thoughts in my mind, my rage, and my chaotic thinking. I hated it all.

It wasn't until I started putting together poetry for my debut collection Shadow Confessions: Raw Version that I finally saw the inside of my brain for what it was during PMDD—lost, scared, lonely, sad. So, so sad.

It dawned on me that if I had read someone else's poetry and knew they felt like this, I would have given them the biggest hug, all the chocolate, and all the good things. Just because I don't like what PMDD does to me doesn't mean I have to hate myself the whole way through. I can learn from it.

I can learn which parts of myself I'm most insecure about and where I'm most triggered. I can learn what matters most to me and what I'm actually afraid of.

PMDD brings out my shadow side, and that part of me deserves kindness and care more than ever. I won't speak to myself anymore in ways I would never speak to someone else. I don't treat my PMDD self as a loathsome creature. I care for her even more intentionally because she's the one who needs it most.

I've survived this before; I can again

The most important reminder you can give yourself is the fact that you have proof this is temporary. You know this isn't who you are, and you know it doesn't last forever because you've been through this before.

You've taken a dive into the shadows of PMDD, sometimes lying in the abyss, convinced you would never see the light again. But you did. You always came back up. You can, and you will, again.

I know it's hard. I know it seems impossible. Some cycles last for one week, others two. Some seem to drag on from one day to the next, especially during particularly trying times.

But there is hope. You can do this. If you don't leave yourself any other reminder, leave yourself this one.

Put it everywhere.

Find PMDD support where you can

If you're trying to figure out how to do all of this alone, you shouldn't have to. To survive PMDD, recover, and work toward remission, you need support.

I know it seems hard, but the first step is to focus on your family. Talk to them. Use resources online to help them understand how you feel. I had my partner read my book cover to cover before I released it to the world. He had no idea what I was experiencing until he read it in poetry form. Now, whenever I need to, I can simply say, "This. This is how I feel this cycle."

Outside of your family, talk to your friends. Don't be afraid. Online groups are also an amazing place to start opening up before talking to the people in your everyday life. That's how I found my diagnosis to begin with. You can participate with your name or anonymously, but remember that everyone there is there because they have PMDD, love someone who does, or want to learn more about it.

The more we know, the more we can help.

You are not your PMDD

You may feel consumed by your thoughts when PMDD is in full swing, but remember, you are not your PMDD. You are not these temporary shadowy feelings or the darkness that reigns for 7–14 days. You are a woman living with PMDD, and for that, you are stronger and wiser to life's darker moments than most.

PMDD encourages us to be more compassionate, patient (outside of our cycles), and supportive of others. We become more empathetic and understanding. We're more likely to meet people where they are, seeing those who are down on their luck not as worthless, but as people who are healing.

But PMDD does not define you. It is simply a struggle you are meant to survive, conquer, and then help other women do the same. Remember that above all else.

Until next time,

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